he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
