i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
