Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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