took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize