I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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