Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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