omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize