he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize