think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
