bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
