just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he fucked my hip out of place.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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