She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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