I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need water and some morals
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
