ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
