you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
