So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
