their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
