Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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