I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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