Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize