According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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