you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Never underestimate the power of titties
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
