She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
