i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
