my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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