I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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