my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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