It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
