i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize