dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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