You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
