There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
