just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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