I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
