i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
