I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize