i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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