ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
