I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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