He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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