I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
