she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
