He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
