so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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