I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My ass is underappreciated
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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