just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
