Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
