Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize