I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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