She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
