so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
