I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
