Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
