I just cut my nipple shaving
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
