She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
