I smell stomach acid.
You smell like stripper and shame
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
