Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
