You made me cry and you don't even care
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
