Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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