Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I would ride that face into the sunset
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
