she looked like the before picture.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
