Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
