we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
