I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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